Hey Google. Play Your Name Engraved Herein by Crown Lu.
He swiped right. Like almost every time he did before, Jonjon felt on edge during the few seconds that came after, waiting if it will result in a match. The guy is distinctly Chinese-looking. Jonjon found him cute, and not just because he had photos of his cats, hence out of his league, Jonjon wondered. Radio silence... and then ding! It's a match.
Be real. No posers please! I’m more into friends or dates. With decent ppl. Living alone with my 2 cats. Not really into just “fun”. Be at least independent
Zhang's profile says he has been in Manila for 5 years working in the Makati Business District. Nothing else to go on from there except that he is not into meaningless flings, and his photos say he hits the gym hard. Jonjon felt curious, but never the one to make the first move, let alone with a person of a different background, different culture, he expected nothing would come from the match.
Ding! Zhang sent you a message.
After years of dating apps, Jonjon knew at this point how things are expected to start—the pleasantries peppered with complements, and a hint of curiosity of what the other person's expectations are—how everything afterwards pans out is the hard part to foresee. So Jonjon almost absentmindedly went with the flow of the conversation with the random Chinese guy, and in attempt to seem cute, he mentions hoping to see Zhang's cats. Luckily for Jonjon, god was in the mood to be amused, and Zhang asks to meet with him.
Jonjon was dumbstruck. Usually guys would beat around the bush before asking him out. But then again, he has never been with a Chinese person before. Immediately he felt it may be a cultural thing to be unprepared for something so direct. Curious and anxious, Jonjon takes the bait. Truth be told, he was secretly imagining what if things could work out, and it filled his belly with butterflies.
The night came and Jonjon wore an easy look: a look that would not seem too busy or too desperate to impress. "I'm here at the lobby." "Okay, I'm coming". When Zhang appeared, Jonjon felt the cold; he knew first impressions are the perfect compass to where the evening is going to end up. Zhang, however seemed unbothered and Jonjon felt a slight relief. After grabbing a quick snack to go, the two boys went to Zhang's cozy two-bedroom apartment at the heart of Ayala. "Damn, this foreigner is rich", Jonjon thought to himself. The apartment smelled like sweet syrup, and everything looks brand new. Jonjon immediately takes notice of the 2 cats in the apartment, adorable furballs which occurred to him could be his way in to charm his date with his knowledge of animals and natural penchant for cats. He asks where he got them, he asks what he feeds them, how are they as pets. Zhang however seems disconnected. Jonjon is disheartened that Zhang doesn't seem to hold his gaze when they talk.
Zhang hands him the remote control to the TV. "Here. watch anything you want," he says. Flipping through Netflix, Jonjon decides to play The Yinyang Master. Zhang has already seen it but says he doesn't mind watching it again. Thus began a grueling and tense 2 hours for the naïve little Jonjon. Every now and again he would ask questions about Chinese portrayal in films and try to share his thoughts, but as the evening went, with no closer contact with his date, Jonjon felt more uneasy and starts to entertain the thought that he is simply not wanted. When Zhang goes to the bathroom, Jonjon opens his Uber app, hoping he can skip the humiliation and say that his dog needs to be fed anyway. Suddenly, Zhang appears and seeing Jonjon preparing to leave, asks "You're leaving? You can stay the night, if you want to".
When the movie was over, Jonjon has gained considerable confidence that Zhang is still interested. He flips through YouTube and they watch clips from his childhood he knew Zhang would relate to: the music of F4, Angela Zhang, and the Taiwanese film 刻在我心底的名字 Your Name Engraved Herein. Jonjon feels somehow at ease when Zhang begins to hum along to the song. Singing has always been a sign of joy and Zhang seems to look forward to them spending the night together. A quick shower later, the two are side by side in Zhang's enormous King-sized bed. With still very little physical contact, Jonjon realizes it was just that kind of date: a watch a movie and sleep side-by-side type of date. He has never been in that kind of date, Jonjon realizes, but he feels easy, no pressure, kind of nice, as much as he wanted to make a move.
As the two boys lie almost naked in the dark, physically a few inches apart, Jonjon gets a glimpse of Zhang's life. He is an only child, born during China's one-child policy, and he left his country at 26 years old, his traditional family behind, to start a life of his own. Zhang shares that being an only child coupled with the pressure of cultural duty to support his aging parents, he is weighed down by the pressure to come out. Jonjon gazes at him. Amidst the darkness, he tries to get a glimpse of the face of the person beside him. "He's not so different from me," he realizes.
Born an ocean apart, yet we struggle from the same humanity that forces us to conform out of our own desires, our own souls.
"You do know your parents' only concern is for your own happiness, right? They just don't want you to be ostracized and judged by people", Jonjon tries to provide comfort with words, because he knew how the other felt. If not, then he feels the same. In a few hours, Jonjon felt the enormous weight this stranger has been feeling most of his life, because he had always felt the same growing up in a similarly traditional Catholic family. And because of that, he knew the right words. There, as the cool air swirls around the shadows of Makati, Zhang gives Jonjon a hug. He feels his warmth like he has never known warmth before. He is in. And Jonjon gives him a kiss.
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